Hubby got sick and was sick for about a week, during that time he was sent home from work which meant I got to spend more time with him! Although with him being sick, he wasn't THAT much fun. Still... he's my favorite person in the world to hang out with (good thing I married him!) so even just being in the same room with him is sufficient to me. Poor guy, I've not seen him this miserable in the eight years I've known him.
Then Amelia has been teething. She had been running a fever, high fevers, for several days. Finally one night when I checked it and it was 104.5 and seemed to be trying to catch her breath, I took her into the ER. They did tests and couldn't find a source so they sent us home. And no one would ever believe she has a fever ever because she's the most pleasant baby to be around even with temps of 103 all day. Well it gets that high if I let her meds wear off. She continued to drool and pee, so I wasn't worried about dehydration, which is what I worry about when anyone gets fever. And she never was lethargic. That's how I know that her fevers are related to teething. Although, any medical professional will tell you that fevers have nothing to do with teething. There is "no evidence that she are connected" and we should just "consider it a coincidence". I respectfully think that they are full of crap because most any mom will tell you that their babies run a fever while teething as well. My children have all gotten fevers with every tooth. Hmph!Being a parent of a patient in the ER gave me more insight into how it is to be on the other side of things. I love being a nurse in the ER but I hate being the patient. I hate the feeling that the nurses think I am being paranoid mom, I hate the wait with all the other sick people in the waiting room, I hate that I get asked ten times to describe while I'm there. Ugh! Then I was thinking that maybe I should just take one of my kids to the ER every few months so I can remember how it is to be a patient! Ha ah ha ah! No! But every time I do go from now on will always be humbling for me. I hope that I can help my patients never feel that way. I do love nursing in the ER because I have the chance to briefly meet with so many kinds of people.
We've been having some behavioral issues with Noah lately. It's been really hard on Hubby and I because of course, we want to be the best parents for our children and help them to feel loved, safe and happy all the time. Noah seems a little distant and we are baffled as to how to help him. I've talked with a psychologist who thinks that it's deployment related. Hopefully we can get things all worked out. Regardless of the cause anyone else comes up with I can't help but wonder if I hadn't been in school for the past four years, if he'd have a better relationship with me and I'd understand him better.A couple of days ago the hardships of parenting had really wore me down. I have to say: choosing to follow my dream of getting my Bachelor's degree and to become a nurse has been hard on me emotionally. It truly makes me happy, yet I feel guilty because I feel that there is something wrong with me for not being content to be home with my children. I love my children more than anything and I am always trying to figure out how to make their life better. Why, then, do I have to go out and help "other" people to feel fulfilled? Why isn't it enough to help my children? This weighs heavy on my heart. Then I was listening to the album "Fee to Be You and Me" with Noah yesterday (I can't even tell you how much we love this album! I should get the DVD for my kids.) and the song, "Parents are People" came on and I realized I need to stop being so hard on myself. There was a line that said, "there are a lot of things a lot of mommies can do" and I just have to remember that I am a more patient and happy mother to my children when I have other things to focus on as well. That's okay. My children can still be my world without me being with them 100% of the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment