“You are nothing like the person I married.”

Over breakfast this morning, I was enthusiastically talking to my hubby about my plans after he retires and he made a comment, “You are nothing like the person I married.” And then he proceeded to tell me all the differences from when I was 18 versus who I am now at 27. Before you think my husband is a jerk, let me tell you that he wasn’t at all saying it in a mean or hateful way. He does have a point though. I’ve changed a lot since we were married nearly eight years ago.

When we got engaged I was 18 years old. I had moved to Germany right after high school to be a live-in nanny for an American family. I didn’t have the confidence to go to college but I loved adventure! I thoroughly enjoyed my time being on my own but I made some terrible choices. I was spent too much money and partied too much; essentially I had thrown caution to the wind and was living life the way I felt it should be lived. Then I met James, fell in love and decided that I couldn’t live without him. We got married. We would spend hours making plans for our future. I told him that I wanted to be a stay at home mom and settle down somewhere in the country, on a farm, as soon as he retired from the military. (The best way I could think of to mimic going back to the 1800s!) It seemed like the perfect plan to me, at the time.

After the birth of Elisabeth, I realized that something was missing in my life: God and church, two things that I had thought unnecessary in my previous quest for the good life, but now realized I needed more than anything. As a mother, I wanted nothing more than for my new daughter to know that she is a Child of God and that He loves her and He has a plan for her. And so it was at that time that I started going back to Church. Thankfully my husband was supportive because when we met and got married I told him that I did not believe in going to Church anymore: it was too restrictive. Now I’ve realized that truly having a personal relationship with my Savior is the most freeing thing I have in my life.

After the birth of Noah, I decided that I wanted to start a part time preschool in my home: nothing formal or big, but something for me to use some of my talents. Shortly after doing that I was finding that something still seemed to be missing. I loved being a mom and wife but life didn’t seem whole. I decided that I wanted to go to college. That was in July 2009, I started college full time in August 2009 and started nursing school in Jan 2011. Then in July 2011 I really felt like we should have another baby. James and I talked it out and voila! Baby on the way! (That’s just how we roll!) And so Amelia came in May. During my final semester of nursing school I followed several travel nurses, in fact one of my clinical instructors was a travel nurse once. And I fell in love! To be able to travel around, seeing new places, working at new hospitals! It’s totally my thing!

Hubby and I talked about it while he was deployed. I explained to him that it’s hard to have him retiring and ready to settle down when I’m just starting my career and want to see the world. So I asked him if he’d give me just three years to follow my dreams of traveling and then we can settle down. Because I don’t want to have huge “what if’s” after settling down. He thought that was a good idea too. For some strange reason he loves me and wants me to follow my dreams.

I graduated with my Bachelor’s of Science in Nursing in Dec 2012 and am getting ready to take the NCLEX exam so that I can work and start helping other people who cannot (and sometimes do not) help themselves. That's what I've realized makes me whole. I love talking with my patients and if even for a couple hours. I love being able to show them that someone cares for them; that they are important in this world and loved by a Heavenly Father.

Yes honey, you’re right I have changed a lot in the past eight years. I have discovered my strong love for my Savior and know that I need to be following the commandments of my Heavenly Father if I want to be happy. I have found that, with Christ, I can do more than I ever knew when I set goals and continue to work on them. I have realized that I am smarter than I ever gave myself credit for. I have recognized that I can be a good mother, a wife, and a nurse: that I can contribute to the world. And I can also be adventurous and then I can settle down. 
My poor husband, he married a young woman who hadn’t yet discovered who she was or what she really wanted out of life. I am so grateful for his love and support though, if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have had the confidence in myself to follow my dreams. He might think that I am not the woman he married, I’d like to argue that I’ve grown up a lot and become such a better person than I was when I married him, but I am the same woman who is head over heels in love with him and can’t ever live without him.